i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
