You're my little dorito
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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