i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
