sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
