I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize