Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
