I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Come share oat with me in your robe
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
