I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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