There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
