something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
