Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
