Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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