i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
