Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
