I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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