No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
