I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
