Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize