u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
