She is in my trunk
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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