More tranny stories later!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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