I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
