and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
