Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
