Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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