I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
