had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We need to rekindle our bromance
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
