im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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