You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize