im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
