The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
