I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bring me that man meat
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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