The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
