My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
