Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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