how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
