I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
