Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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