i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
