The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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