oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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