I smell stomach acid.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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