I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
