singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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