Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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