I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
