All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
