I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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