I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
