sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
