question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
