Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
this hospital has no fireball
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
