I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
