Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize