I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
