5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
