Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
love makes seman taste better
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
