I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
