You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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