Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize