I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize