Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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