there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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