Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize