Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
