im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got chris browned last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
