We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
