walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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