getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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